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男人和女人的悲哀 A man is just like a woman, in the different stage of his life; to the opposite sex, has different yearning and longing.
When we are young, I mean when we are the teenagers, I guess most boys like the pretty looking girls, at least some good looking girls. Yes, if she is good looking and intelligent it will be better. The teenager girls too, they like the handsome guys, and if they have good heart it will be better. In other words, every one is looking for the prince or the princess. Most likely those so called prince or princess is the good looking person from the appearance. That is why there are so many good looking women and good looking guys on the web blogs circle and usually their blogs are always crowded, no matter how shallow the contents of their blogs are. We can not change that and have to admit it as a fact. No complains and no grieves, either to your wife or to your husband since it is the human nature. When our creator created us, HE gave us this appreciation of beauty.
From the Bible, we know that man was from the dirt and woman was created by taking a bone from the man. Which means that the man is not as intelligent as a woman is, also the man is not as delicate as a woman is either. The man is always slow in the process of growing up, in other words, to him the childhood will last longer than a woman. That is why some men are still using their childhood standard to see women or to judge women. In the other hand, the woman is much sophisticated than the man, such as the emotions, the feelings and other aspects. When I am talking about intelligent and sophistications, I am not talking about the academic grades or the professional field, I am talking about a human as a whole. From the creation point of view (I believe it, since I don’t think we come from the monkeys), the women should be softer, more tender, more sophisticated, more compassions, more loving, more emotional feelings than the men, since they were created from very delicate materials, not the dirt. Do we remember the label of “Handle careful”. That is why, after two people get married, the woman always find the fault of her husband, since when she was in love before the marriage, she was blind to the differences, or she doesn’t have the chance to see this differences. Only after the marriage, only after they live together, she finds this big difference. She find that he could not understand her need, especially the emotional needs, by the same token, the man finds that his woman becomes too emotional sometimes and he finds that he could not handle it, or don’t know how to handle it.
And as a man, our creator asked us to protect our woman and love her as love ourselves, in other words, as a real man, our shoulders have a bigger load, which is our family, our women and our children. This protection or leading role is not in the aspect of physical, visual form, rather a metaphysical, spiritual form. Yes, we are created from the dirt, and we are slow learners. But the burden on our shoulders asking us has to grow up, has to learn, or sometimes has to change ourselves. People always say that some men are better in treating his woman than the other, it is that our creator gave each person different gift when HE brought us to this world. This is nothing to do with he is good or bad.
Why am I talking about this? Why am I talking about the difference between woman and man? I want to point out that this nature of difference is what we should keep, in other words, as a woman or a man; we should keep our own identities as our creator gave us and celebrate it.
Unfortunately, the modern society has made us lost large portion of our own identities. In other words, the woman is not the original woman and man is not the original man either. The power, money and human greedy make us changed into something which we could not identify ourselves. The personal or professional achievement should not change our inner beauty, yet the society forces us to drop some of our most precious treasures of ourselves in order to achieve something, which not belong to us at first place. I am talking about the situation of both woman and man are facing.
As the women, in order to succeed, we have to drop some of our softness and tenderness in our working place in order to protect ourselves; we have to put a mask as a Strong Woman in the working place in order to beat other people. And as a man, sometimes we have to drop the honesty, trustfulness, responsibilities, and some other noble features, which our creator gave us, in order to climb the social ladder. If we don’t want to drop those noble features, then the people would call us fools, same things happened to the women too. In other words, when we grow up, we are forced to be more practical. I am not saying when we grow up we still behave in a child way. We should become mature, but the mature means that we should let those noble features light up in us, not drop it. Same thing, a mature woman should let her inner beauty light up in us, since that is most beautiful part as a woman, and I believe that is part, which will go with her in rest of her life, not those teenagers’ good looking things. So to answer what a man is looking for from a woman is that we are living in a distorted situation, what we are looking for is not what our heart wants us to look for.
What I just described is the pity of both the modern men and the modern women. In fact lots of smart men and women had recognized it and had changed their priorities in their life; they are searching a different life style, which will bring their original beauty out. I am writing this is not that I discourage the men and the women to pursue their dream, and to succeed in their professions. I am writing this is that I hope when we are doing it, we should not forget what is most important thing in our life, what is our most precious treasures in our life so that when we pursue our career in today’s society we would not lost in the money, power and self greedy.
As a man, I appreciate and love those successful career women, even though I don’t like the title of Strong Woman. I don’t think those successful women like them either; at least my wife doesn’t like it. No woman wants the men treating them as the Strong Women; they all want to be treated as a Woman, period. In the other hands, due to the reason what I just described, lots of those so called Strong Women, lost their most beautiful part as women first in their journey of successful career path. This is not their fault, it is this society caused.
I know a very famous Chinese woman doctor, who is the woman I respect most, she is almost 80 now. When I knew her, she was in her 60s and her husband was a writer and professor. The reason I like her is not how good looking she is. Yes she was a beautiful young woman when she was young, but when I knew her, she was in 60s. When you talk to her, you will find you are attracted by her style, her warmness, her humble attitude and her caring heart. From the professional point of view she was a Strong Woman, since many men was under her lead and well known in the cancer related medical field. But she never mentioned those to any of us, as if they didn’t exist. Either to her husband, or to the people around her, she is a very humble person, and most caring person, yet her graceful appearance makes you can not help to say she is a most attractive woman.
Today I just read the news about a famous American feminist in 70’s named Ellen Willis who died in lung cancer lately. The article was an interview with her daughter. It was very interesting article. According to her daughter, Ellen was a feminist who said she didn’t want the children, yet when Ellen met with a CUNY professor, and she knew he would split the housework into 50/50, and she changed her mind, and had her daughter. Also when her daughter was a kid, Ellen didn’t prevent her daughter lived in a way, which was against what she believed, her daughter liked to dressed up as a girl, not as a guy liked lots of feminists in US did. What I am trying to say is no matter who she is, a woman always has her feminine side, you can not destroy it, since that is the our creator gave us right at beginning.
Yes, a lot of men like beautiful women, and as I said, this beauty has both inner and outer sides. I don’t want to say man can only like inner beauty without outer ones. Maybe there are, but most of men still put outer appearance as part of their consideration, which I think nothing wrong with it. And to me, inner beauty is the inner beauty; it is not a dress up for the outer side, and I believe many men I knew (my friends) think this way too. Also, an inner beauty is nothing related with her profession. Yes, I like career women, but that doesn’t mean I like the career women who had lost their own female identities. And a career is a career, it is nothing to do whether it is a high post position in the power play or a profession which is nothing related with power. As long as she is a woman, an attractive woman, I will like her. That doesn’t mean that I will have a date with her. That only means that she is a woman whom I like to talk to and to share my thoughts with.
男人和女人一样，在他生活的不同的阶段; 对异性，有不同的思慕和渴望。 当我们年轻时，我是说当我们是少年时期，我猜测多数男孩都爱长得俏丽的女孩，至少是赏心悦目的女孩。 当然，如果她们又聪明好学，那就更好啦。 同样，小女孩也一样，他们喜欢英俊的男孩，如果他们有一颗好心肠， 那就将更好啦。换句话说，每一个孩子都在寻找王子或公主。 多数的那些所谓的王子或公主都是外表赏心悦目的。 现在的网上博客所以有许多漂亮的女人和英俊男士，并且他们的网站通常总是非常拥挤的，不论多么内容有多么肤浅，就是一个明证。 我们不可能改变，也无须改变，只有承认它这个事实。 您不用抱怨你的妻子或您的丈夫，因为它是人类本性。 当我们的创造者创造了我们，他给了我们对美的欣赏力和本能。
从圣经上，我们知道男人是从泥土做成的，而女人是从男人身上取的一根骨头创造的。 这意味著男人不可能象女人是一样聪明，也不可能象女人一样精美。 男人在长大过程中总是慢半拍的，换句话说，他童年期比女人长期有长。 所以有些男人到现在仍然使用他们的童年标准看女人或判断女人。而另一方面，妇女比男人在例如情感，感觉和其他方面要成熟多了。 当我谈论聪明和智慧时，我不是在谈论学术成绩上或专业领域里，我是在谈论人做为一个整体来讲的。 从创造论的观点来看 (我相信它，因为我不认为我们来自猴子)，与男人比，妇女应该是更温柔，更恬情，更精致，更附同情心， 更多爱恋，更多情感的人，因为他们从用非常精美材料来创造的，不是泥土。 我们记得“小心轻放”的标签吗。 所以，在二个人结婚之后，女人总会发现她的丈夫的缺点，因为当她恋爱和婚姻之前，她是个瞎子，看不到这些区别，或者她没有机会看到这些区别。 在婚姻之后，在他们在一起生活了，她发现这个大区别。 她发现他不了解她的需要，特别是情感上的需求。男人也发现他的女人有时变得太感情用事，并且他发现他不可能理解它，或者不知如何理解它。 而作为一个男人，我们发现我们的造物主要求我们要保护我们的女人和爱她，就像爱我们自己一样，换句话说，作为一个真正的男人，我们的肩膀上有很大的负担，那就是我们的家庭、我们的女人和我们的孩子。 这种保护不只是物质上的，而是一种形而上的，是灵与魂上的。 是的，我们从泥土中被创造出来的，而且我们学得很慢。 但在我们的肩膀上的负担要求我们必须长大，必须学会或者必须改变自己。 总听人说有些男人比其他男人对待他们的女人好，这是我们的造物主，当他给带我们来到这个世界时，给每个人的礼物不同而以。 我为什么有谈论这些呢？ 为什么我有谈论女人和男人的区别呢？ 我想要指出的是，这些区别正是我们应该保留的，换句话说，作为一个女人或一个男人; 当我们的创作者给了我们这个区别，我们应该保存好它，应该去庆祝它。
不幸地是，现代社会使我们失去了大部分我们自己的身分。 换句话说，女人不是原本的女人，男人不是原本的男人。 力量，金钱和人的贪婪使我们变得我们自己也不能辨认我们自己的身份。 追求个人或专业上的成就不应该让我们丢掉我们内在的美，我们自己为了达到某个目标，社会常常迫使我们丢下我们的一些最珍贵的东西。 这是男人和女人都面对的情况。
作为女人，为了事业上的成功，我们在我们工作单位为了保护自己，必须丢下我们的一些温柔，恬情的一面; 我们必须带上一个女强人的面具去与他人拼搏。 而作为一个男人，我们必须有时丢下诚实，信任，负责任和其他我们的创作者给我们的高尚的品格，为了是去攀登社会的阶梯。 如果我们不想丢下那些高尚的东西，别人就会说我们是傻瓜，同样的事也发生在女人身上。 换句话说，当我们长大时，我们被迫变得更加现实。 我不是说我们生长以后，我们仍然应用儿童的方式来生活。 我们应该变成熟，但成熟是让我们把那些我们内在的高尚的特点焕发出来，而不是丢下它。 同样，一名成熟女人应该是让许多美好的， 内在的秀丽在我们身上焕发出来。并且我相信只有这些东西，才会陪同你的后半生，而不是那些少年时期的短暂的美。所以如果要回答男人要追求女人的什么，外表还是内在。我应说，我们是生活在一个变异的社会，我们所追求的并不一定是我们内心所要的。
这其实是现代男人士和现代女人的悲哀。 实际上许多聪明的男人和女人在他们的生活中，以认识到了它， 并且他们在试图改变他们的生活重心; 他们在搜寻一种不同的生活方式，而那将带给他们原本的美。 我写这些不是想劝阻男人和女人不去追求他们的梦想和他们在行业上的成功。 我写此是希望当我们去做时，不应该忘记什么是我们的生活中最重要的事，什么是我们的最珍贵的宝贝，以便，当我们在今天这个社会里追求我们的事业时，我们不会迷失在金钱、权力和自已的贪婪中。 作为一个男人，我赞赏并且爱那些成功的职业妇女，虽然我不喜欢女强人这个头衔。 我也不认为那些成功的女人喜欢这个头衔; 至少我的妻子不喜欢。 女人不想他们的男人把他们当作女强人; 他们全都想被当作一个女人。 但另一方面，由于我描述了的原因，许多那些所谓的女强人，在他们成功的旅途上，丢失了他们作为一个女人的最美好的部分。 这不是他们的过错，是这个社会造成的。 我知道一位非常著名中国女医生，她是我最尊敬的一女人，她现在是差不多80岁了。 当我认识她时，她是60多岁，她的丈夫是个作家和教授。 我喜欢她的原因不是她有多么好看。 可能当她是年轻时，她是一个美丽的少妇。但当我认识她时，她是60多岁的老人了。 当您与她谈话时，您将被她的气质、她的热心、她谦逊的态度和她的同情心所吸引。从专业观点上讲她是一名女强人，因为许多男人都是在她的主管之下，并且在癌症医疗领域里，是非常知名的医生。 但她对我们未曾提及那些东西，好象他们不存在。 对她的丈夫，或者对她周围的人，她是一个非常谦逊，富有同情心的人。她的优美的气质使您不得不承认她是一名最可爱的女人。
今天我读到一篇关于一个著名美国70年代的女权主义者Ellen Willis因肺癌最近去世的新闻。 文章是与她的女儿的一次采访。 这是一篇非常有趣的文章。 根据她的女儿， Ellen说她不想要孩子，但当 Ellen遇见一个纽约大学的教授，并且她知道他会和她分担家务，她改变了主意，有了她的女儿。 并且，当她的女儿是孩子时， Ellen没有阻止她的女儿去做她所反对的事，她的女儿喜欢穿戴，喜欢被当作女孩，不像许多女权主义者那样把自己打扮成男孩一样。 我想说的是，不管她是谁，一个女人总有她的女人的一面，你不可能毁坏它，因为那是我们的创作者在出始时就给了我们的。 是的，很多男人喜欢美丽的女人，我是指内在和外在综合的美。 我不想说认为男人只喜欢内在美，而不注意外面。 可能有，但不多，大多人仍然注意外在美，我不认为它有什么错。 并且对我来说，内在美就是内在美。它不是给外在美的一种衬托，并且我相信我知道的许多人(我的朋友)也是这么认为的。一个女人只有具备两种美，才称得上美丽。并且，内在美是和她的行业没有关系的。是的，我喜欢职业妇女，但那并不意味着我喜欢那些丢失了他们自己的女性身分的职业妇女。 并且事业就是事业，它与一个人是否是政府高官，还是一个普通职业妇女。 只要她是女人，一名可爱女人，我就喜欢她。 这并不意味著我将与她交男女朋友。 只意味著她是我喜欢与之谈话和交流的女人。
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发表于 2010-11-23 23:24
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